Happy Birthday, Fairuuz.

You are the kind of person I always want in my corner... even if I am in a completely round room.
Happy 21st birthday, dear Fairuuz, my other half.

Happiest birthday to the funniest person I've ever known. My patient, kind, and understanding significant other. A man who can pull of being funny without being mean. With your kind soul I know that you can bring so much benefit and happiness to your closest and to a lot of people someday.

I hope, one day as you grow older, you will spend your days doing things that you love and keep you content. I hope you can always involve me in anyway, through thick and thin, through your joy and despair. You teach me how to be gentle with people... more importantly, you teach me how to be gentle with myself. 

Dear Fairuuz, thank you for believing in me during my best and worst days.. Thank you for believing in everything I have ever dreamed of, and thank you for believing I can reach it.

I hope you will always remember that your possibility is endless. I know that someday you will use your skill and thoughtful mind to benefit a cause, and I am willing to stand by you through your journey. 

Thank you for being here once again.
I hope you don't have to ever leave a trace in the sand of my life again, because we will always be walking together.



Biasa-biasa saja.

Sedikit intro dulu.

Good day, people!
You currently find me in Jakarta. This is the second longest I've ever been in Jakarta during College period. Paling lama gue di Jakarta pas masih kuliah... Persis tahun lalu. Satu minggu sebelum gue ulang tahun ke-18.

I was very sick last year. Tanggal 14 Februari 2014, gue pulang ke Jakarta. That was the first time I found out that I had idiophatic scoliosis, dan juga semacam penipisan bantalan tulang di punggung gue. Sejak saat itu juga, gue ngga boleh olahraga yang hentak-hentak seperti lari, basket, voli, badminton, dan gue juga harus berhenti latihan marching band karena gue juga ngga boleh baris-berbaris.

Minggu depannya, kira-kira cuma beda 4/5 hari, gue terkena gejala tipus. Udah sempet ke klinik di Bandung dan didiagnosis kena tipus, tapi setelah beberapa hari obatnya gak ampuh juga. Akhirnya, gue langsung 'diangkut' ke Jakarta buat check-up di dokter yang berbeda. Gue sempet stress sendiri karena di-diagnosisnya beda mulu, sedangkan masa itu lagi padat-padatnya praktikum Kimia Dasar dan Gambar Teknik yang absennya harus 100%.

Sedikit cerita aja. Era itu (halah, era.) gue gampang banget stress. Ada halangan dikit aja atau sesuatu ngga berjalan sesuai rencana, it felt like the whole world is collapsing (majas hiperbola, why not?). 

Yeah, well. I was that stressed out that time. I had that awful tendency to blame everything around me. I felt like I couldn't choose things. I felt like things were happening to me, but I couldn't choose what could have happened.

But the fact is, life is that kind of sequences. Selalu berulang seperti itu. Akan ada masa-masanya lo akan merasa sangat kesusahan seakan tiada ujungnya, namun pada akhirnya semua akan lewat aja. There will also come a time when you feel very, very happythe kind of happiness that makes you forget everything that once causes you pain. Satu hal yang harus dan selalu diingat semua orang, Allah Maha penentu perasaan. 

Karena itu lah, dibandingkan tahun lalu, gue yang sekarang lebih "ya sudah" terhadap masalah. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. Semua masalah dan semua kebahagiaan itu cuma sementara, sehingga keduanya harus dihargai. Life itself is temporary.

Hal yang gue sadari lainnya adalah, I should always leave. We all should.
A moment, no matter how intense, no matter how it makes you feel in so much contentment or deep despair, you will always have to leave that behind. Life is a sequence of leaving and coming. Of course it is fine to bring something with you, as long as it doesn't hold you back.


Mungkin sebenarnya, seseorang yang kamu inginkan adalah orang yang biasa-biasa saja.

Seseorang yang biasa-biasa saja..
..dengan keinginan yang biasa pula.
Seseorang yang paham betul bahwa dia itu biasa-biasa saja,
sehingga dia senantiasa berusaha untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik untuk ke depannya.
Sehingga dia senantiasa memantaskan diri untuk kebaikan.

Seseorang dengan keinginan yang biasa-biasa saja.
Seseorang yang bisa melihat sekitarnya dan selalu bisa menemukan cara untuk bahagia.
Sehingga tidak perlu hal luar biasa untuk membahagiakannya,
dan tidak perlu hal luar biasa untuk dibahagiakannya.

Seseorang yang biasa saja dan merasa biasa pula,
sehingga tidak pernah sekali pun dia merendahkan orang lain.
Dan tidak pula iri atau ditakutkan oleh kehebatan orang lain.

Seseorang yang biasa saja.
Sehingga saat kau sedih, dia akan membantumu untuk naik kembali.
Sehingga saat kau bahagia, dia akan mengingatkanmu untuk tetap menunduk rendah hati.

Mungkin, mungkin saja. Aku tidak tahu.
Mungkin yang kau inginkan bukanlah seseorang yang paling cerdas.
Mungkin juga bukan orang yang paling hebat. Apalagi orang yang paling kaya.

Mungkin yang kau inginkan adalah seseorang yang biasa-biasa aja.

In Repair.

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

And now I'm walking in the park
And all of the birds, they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unready

Oh, yeah, I'm never really ready
Oh, I'm never really ready

I'm in repair
I'm not together but I'm getting there

I'm in repair
I'm not together but I'm getting there

First week! ...And some advices.

Salah satu dari banyak alasan kenapa gue merasa sangat beruntung bisa kuliah di Bandung.

I write this on my day of leaving.


It was still very early in the morning, around 4 AM, when my parents and I started our day today.
Mom was preparing for special breakfast. The first I'll miss about being home is that every meal is nicely cooked. Not too hard and not to juicy. I always bring the same meal and ingredients with me, but everytime I try to cook them in Bandung, it can't be just as perfect as Mom's cooking.

Dad is pretty active too. One of the last thing I noticed when I came home was my parents got these new perfectly round-shaped, light-green-coloured bushes planted at our garden. Today, the day I'm about to leave, I just found out that my Dad cut those bushes himself. I feel so much like a lazy-ass daughter.

This has always been my habit, notice what-seems-to-be-insignificant-but-very-missable things. This observing activity of mine is a thing I always do intensely, especially when I'm about to go back.

There are things that always occur everytime I'm about to go back.  Cleaning up my room, picking books, dvds, and magazines I'll bring with me, playing some records and feeling the most of yearning because of it. Mom preparing special breakfast, Dad helping me with packing my things, and so on.

But there's one thing that doesn't occur anymore today. It's not like I feel sad or anything because I know that the film has slipped off the reel, but some changes always disturb me. Change feels weird. It feels weird to stop doing things you thought you'd always do. It feels even weirder that I stop doing things unintentionally. It just happens to me and today I am being reminded again.

Some changes are easy to comprehend but some changes will drive you insane if you insist on figuring out everything, but what I know for sure is this: Don't rush. Don't try figuring out things you shouldn't have known by now. That's the thing about feeling. When something that you'd love to cherish for a long time suddenly stops occuring, you think that the world around you is collapsing. No, it is not. The world is spinning just the same. 

Whatever the situation are you in, it's nice to use some logic.


I write this today.


Today is the second day of the second week of college. I have been doing real fine. I finished all of my assignments and took enough rest. I went out for lunch and dinner and short getaway. I found many new places and talk to many good friends. I met and had quality time with my family. My room is neat and clean. I exercise once every two days. I became a class representative (or simply, ketua kelas) of a subject. 

Tidak ada yang lebih enak dibanding sarapan dengan keluarga.

Temen gue yang ngedesain! I am a proud friend.

Right now, I just feel content. 

Some changes always have to occur before everything gets better. God makes a way for the universe to balance itselfThe universe has always been in balance and human is nothing but a part of universe. As long as you still wake up in the morning, you still have opportunity in front of you. Take those chances, be a better person, and of course, always be grateful. Everything you have is everything you need.

Well, if any of you need some advice, this is the one I keep in mind: