2 Years from Then

Hello, friends and comrades! I'm back - I'm surprisingly back.

It's been more than 2 years since I last wrote anything and I know no one visits blogspot again - and that's exactly the very reason why I start writing again: I know no one would read this and my own head is now just too packed to accommodate my overflowing thoughts.

Well, so...

It's amazing how I still can keep my feelings to someone with so little memories of them.
It's mesmerizing how my mind unintentionally takes away the littlest of those memories and rearrange it day by day - all of those so I can think of you every single day.

It's almost unbelievable how I can give so much - without receiving anything back.

That's all I want to say.
For now.

Happy Birthday, Fairuuz.

You are the kind of person I always want in my corner... even if I am in a completely round room.
Happy 21st birthday, dear Fairuuz, my other half.

Happiest birthday to the funniest person I've ever known. My patient, kind, and understanding significant other. A man who can pull of being funny without being mean. With your kind soul I know that you can bring so much benefit and happiness to your closest and to a lot of people someday.

I hope, one day as you grow older, you will spend your days doing things that you love and keep you content. I hope you can always involve me in anyway, through thick and thin, through your joy and despair. You teach me how to be gentle with people... more importantly, you teach me how to be gentle with myself. 

Dear Fairuuz, thank you for believing in me during my best and worst days.. Thank you for believing in everything I have ever dreamed of, and thank you for believing I can reach it.

I hope you will always remember that your possibility is endless. I know that someday you will use your skill and thoughtful mind to benefit a cause, and I am willing to stand by you through your journey. 

Thank you for being here once again.
I hope you don't have to ever leave a trace in the sand of my life again, because we will always be walking together.



Biasa-biasa saja.

Sedikit intro dulu.

Good day, people!
You currently find me in Jakarta. This is the second longest I've ever been in Jakarta during College period. Paling lama gue di Jakarta pas masih kuliah... Persis tahun lalu. Satu minggu sebelum gue ulang tahun ke-18.

I was very sick last year. Tanggal 14 Februari 2014, gue pulang ke Jakarta. That was the first time I found out that I had idiophatic scoliosis, dan juga semacam penipisan bantalan tulang di punggung gue. Sejak saat itu juga, gue ngga boleh olahraga yang hentak-hentak seperti lari, basket, voli, badminton, dan gue juga harus berhenti latihan marching band karena gue juga ngga boleh baris-berbaris.

Minggu depannya, kira-kira cuma beda 4/5 hari, gue terkena gejala tipus. Udah sempet ke klinik di Bandung dan didiagnosis kena tipus, tapi setelah beberapa hari obatnya gak ampuh juga. Akhirnya, gue langsung 'diangkut' ke Jakarta buat check-up di dokter yang berbeda. Gue sempet stress sendiri karena di-diagnosisnya beda mulu, sedangkan masa itu lagi padat-padatnya praktikum Kimia Dasar dan Gambar Teknik yang absennya harus 100%.

Sedikit cerita aja. Era itu (halah, era.) gue gampang banget stress. Ada halangan dikit aja atau sesuatu ngga berjalan sesuai rencana, it felt like the whole world is collapsing (majas hiperbola, why not?). 

Yeah, well. I was that stressed out that time. I had that awful tendency to blame everything around me. I felt like I couldn't choose things. I felt like things were happening to me, but I couldn't choose what could have happened.

But the fact is, life is that kind of sequences. Selalu berulang seperti itu. Akan ada masa-masanya lo akan merasa sangat kesusahan seakan tiada ujungnya, namun pada akhirnya semua akan lewat aja. There will also come a time when you feel very, very happythe kind of happiness that makes you forget everything that once causes you pain. Satu hal yang harus dan selalu diingat semua orang, Allah Maha penentu perasaan. 

Karena itu lah, dibandingkan tahun lalu, gue yang sekarang lebih "ya sudah" terhadap masalah. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. Semua masalah dan semua kebahagiaan itu cuma sementara, sehingga keduanya harus dihargai. Life itself is temporary.

Hal yang gue sadari lainnya adalah, I should always leave. We all should.
A moment, no matter how intense, no matter how it makes you feel in so much contentment or deep despair, you will always have to leave that behind. Life is a sequence of leaving and coming. Of course it is fine to bring something with you, as long as it doesn't hold you back.


Mungkin sebenarnya, seseorang yang kamu inginkan adalah orang yang biasa-biasa saja.

Seseorang yang biasa-biasa saja..
..dengan keinginan yang biasa pula.
Seseorang yang paham betul bahwa dia itu biasa-biasa saja,
sehingga dia senantiasa berusaha untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik untuk ke depannya.
Sehingga dia senantiasa memantaskan diri untuk kebaikan.

Seseorang dengan keinginan yang biasa-biasa saja.
Seseorang yang bisa melihat sekitarnya dan selalu bisa menemukan cara untuk bahagia.
Sehingga tidak perlu hal luar biasa untuk membahagiakannya,
dan tidak perlu hal luar biasa untuk dibahagiakannya.

Seseorang yang biasa saja dan merasa biasa pula,
sehingga tidak pernah sekali pun dia merendahkan orang lain.
Dan tidak pula iri atau ditakutkan oleh kehebatan orang lain.

Seseorang yang biasa saja.
Sehingga saat kau sedih, dia akan membantumu untuk naik kembali.
Sehingga saat kau bahagia, dia akan mengingatkanmu untuk tetap menunduk rendah hati.

Mungkin, mungkin saja. Aku tidak tahu.
Mungkin yang kau inginkan bukanlah seseorang yang paling cerdas.
Mungkin juga bukan orang yang paling hebat. Apalagi orang yang paling kaya.

Mungkin yang kau inginkan adalah seseorang yang biasa-biasa aja.

In Repair.

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

And now I'm walking in the park
And all of the birds, they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unready

Oh, yeah, I'm never really ready
Oh, I'm never really ready

I'm in repair
I'm not together but I'm getting there

I'm in repair
I'm not together but I'm getting there